Starting a Bedtime Routine

Good sleep habits can not only take the stress out of bedtime, but can help make it the special time it should be for you and your child. Instituting and maintaining a consistence sleep habits helps your child fall asleep, stay asleep, and awake rested and refreshed. This can also be a daily opportunity to build and nurture your relationship with your child.

Bedtime routines help children learn to transition from the busy activity of the day to settling down for sleep. It is a time to teach children how to soothe themselves and how to relax. Help them learn a few relaxation tricks like tensing and releasing muscles or thinking about a favorite place. This is a gift they’ll use forever. Planning ahead before your child bedtime can make a big impact. An important part of being independent is having the skills to settle yourself down when you are tired or stressed after a long working day before your child’s bedtime. Being ready will also minimize distractions. Studies have shown that children who have a good bedtime routine are more likely to follow good schedules as adults. This is because early bedtime routine helps children learn when to switch from the activities of the day to a calm time for sleep. The early you introduce it, the better. It is recommended that good bedtime routine should be started when a child is as young as 6weeks old, and maintain a regular schedule each night.

However, there’s also something about a quiet gloomy room that invites conversation — building your child’s sense of personal value, answering the big questions, teaching your values through stories and talk. Regardless of age, regular schedules and bedtime rituals greatly impact our ability to obtain sound sleep and function at our best. Also, when children know that bedtime is a time when you give a few minutes of undivided attention, they often save up their most sensitive questions for sharing. Yes, sometimes they’ll use it to hang onto you when you really want to get to your own projects.  

Remember, consistency and repetition play big role in making this a success: As  children grow, the actual routine will continue to advance and change but the fundamentals will remain the same. When you are loving and firm about when it is time for bed, you are building your children’s confidence in their world. Repetition for
 young children is comforting — ever wonder why they want the same story over and over? The repetition of the getting ready for bed routine (getting into pajamas, brushing teeth, a story, using a bathroom, a hug, goodnight) letting your child know what to expect helps him or her feel secure. Children usually appreciate the consistency and predictability as they grow. For young babies, it's best to keep it short and simple such as; washing up, diapering, jammies, and a story or song in a rocking chair. 

There are no hard-and-fast rules for sleep behavior, and as always, there is individual variation. Your child is unique. If your routine is working, then it is probably best for you. That said, some approaches work better than others…..

These guidelines have been shown to be effective:

1. Make sleep a family priority, advises the National Sleep Foundation: Determine how much sleep each family member needs and ensure that they ĵget it. Discuss any sleep problems with your child's doctor. Most are easily treated.

2. Learn to recognize sleep problems in your child: According to the NSF, you should look for things like difficulty falling asleep, nighttime awakenings, snoring, stalling and resisting going to bed, having trouble breathing, and loud or heavy breathing while sleeping. These sleep problems can be evident in daytime behavior such as being overtired, sleepy, or cranky.

3. Consistency: As in all aspects of parenting, consistency and follow-through are key ingredients for success. Without them, you just can't expect your child to learn or change behavior.

4. Teamwork: If you are co-parenting, it is important to discuss your strategy beforehand and work as a team. If you are beginning a nighttime program after having some difficulty with your child, explain your new expectations, if your child is old enough.

5. Set a regular bedtime and wake time: This sets and aligns expectations for both you and your child and allows you to plan the bedtime routine accordingly. Otherwise, you may have a tendency to slip and slide late into the night.

6. Routine: Kids love it, they thrive on it, and it works. Routines set expectations and help train behavior; a nightly bedtime routine helps your child learn to be sleepy, just like reading in bed may put some of us adults to sleep (even when we're out of bed). The structure of bedtime routines also associates the bedroom with good feelings and provides a sense of security and control. Routines can take the stress out of bedtime and help make it a special time, especially if you have more than one child.

7. Dress and room temperature: Again, there are no absolutes here, but a rule of thumb is to dress your child basically as you dress yourself, keeping in mind that younger children often kick off the covers at night and are unable to cover themselves. People generally sleep better in a cooler (but not cold) rather than warmer room.

9. Room and bed sharing: Some parents may feel sharing their bedroom and/or bed with their child is more natural than having separate rooms, that it is important for emotional development. There may be cultural preferences as well.

10. One last thing: Kids will always have that one last thing -- kisses, hugs, using the bathroom. They can be quite inventive. Do your best to anticipate all this and get it done before getting in bed. And let your child know that once they are in bed, they have to stay in bed.

From the point of view of obtaining uninterrupted sleep and considering various social and psychological issues, it is generally not a good idea. First, everyone sleeps better alone -- that is, we have fewer sleep disturbances and awakenings. Children in the same bed and/or bedroom also may not learn how to fall asleep themselves and tend to have sleep problems. Smothering is also a concern.

Having a child in the bed with you may also have serious effects on your intimacy and sex life. Leaving your child with a sitter may become an issue as well. The longer the child sleeps in your bed, the more difficult it becomes to decide exactly when he or she should stop and eventually move into his own room. Sleeping separately is also important to help a child learn to separate without anxiety and form his or her own identity.

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